Been available several times since 1999

And here we are, the final song of `Orchid.’ The big payoff, so to speak. Everything leads up to this one final song.

It’s a personal favourite of mine. I’ve played it live several times throughout the years. Released it a few times over the years. The lyrics are self-explanatory. It’s devoid of the pomposity and ambition that belies the other songs.

Fun fact: This song was written first alongside `Entranced 1.0.’

Funner fact: This unintentional formula has been an ongoing thing (writing the first song and the last song at the same time) up to `Smoke and Origination.’

Memories:

I remember being in just my underwear while the drum loop played over and over again one gray morning. I sang out the words in the Orchid melody and it hasn’t changed since. I wonder if I ever put pants on that day.

I think I was really into the Ibiza `slow beats.’ I heard one around that time and thought I could do something with it.

Original `Where We Rest’ Version:

This is the original 4 track version. It has an extended outro which I wasn’t thrilled with. Aside from that, they’re fairly similar. I think the `final version’ that I have released throughout the years has better production and vocal performance.

In Closing

Well, my beauties, I hope you enjoyed the trip down my memory lane. It was a very critical look at a piece of music that at times has been mythologized and distorted over time. Perhaps I was very harsh on `Orchid.’ Perhaps I wasn’t harsh enough for some you out there with even more cynical leanings than I.

Either way, I am relieved that this thing is over, though it was an interesting experiment. It yanked out some rather ridiculous memories and it took too much time away from actually writing new material.

Tomorrow the whole album will be up to stream as one continual piece. So you can hear it seamlessly as it was meant to be heard.

Then the physical 2 CD set will be made available shortly thereafter. I have to wait on CDBaby to do the administrative set up. There will only be a few hard copies made. It will be available as an mp3 download as well.

Not available since 1999

There are key moments of sound that stay with you for your entire life. One of those moments for me is the last few seconds of `Exorcism’ from `Killing Joke.’

In those last moments of `Exorcism you will hear Jaz Coleman say: `Wash it away, wash it all away, wash away the tears.’

It was the way he says it that has stuck with me all this time. It sounds real. It sounds like a real baptism-cum-exorcism.

It’s that line and feeling that inspired `Processioned’ the most. `Wash it away.’ A ritual cleansing. A rebirth, a purge, the white light. All these things.

And while the track collapses underneath it’s own ambition, I still haven’t forgotten how important the INTENT was.

Not much else to say really. Cheesy MIDI, bad singing, par for the course in `Orchid.’

Not available since 1999

`Silent’ is the beginning of the last song cycle called `First and Last.’ This cycle bears little to no resemblance to the former 3. It yields but 3 songs which do not adhere to the `Orchidian Dogmas.’

I think it was a conscious decision to make `Orchid’ asymmetrical. There might have been a numerological subtext, but that’s been long forgotten. 

If there is an underlying theme of this cycle, it’s apology and absolution.

When I listen to `Silent’ after all the other tracks that came before, it almost seems to decimate all the previous musical statements. For all the vocal shortcomings that I had in 1999, I have a fondness for this track. Music for White Noise and Voice.

I’ve always had an affinity for chanteuse-sung jazz and the lot. There’s a little bit of that in this song. 

This track consists of backward masked voices as well as melodies sung underwater. I filled up a bathtub, put my microphone wrapped in a garbage bag, and stuck my head under the water and started singing. Oddly enough, I cannot tell the difference between these melodies and the ones that were backward masked. They both have that sense of `dead space.’ It was a cool experiment, definitely worth trying again.

Not available since 1999

Song cycle 1 had `Here,’ Song cycle 2 had `There’ and predictably, Song Cycle 3 has `Everywhere.’ It stays fairly true to the feel of these songs.

I can tell that I was happy, or at least, smiling when I sang this. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why I can remember this.

This concludes the `Desperation’ song cycle.

Monday begins the last song cycle: First and Last.

Not available since 1999

Another reprieve from the negativity. It seems to ebb and flow with `Orchid.’ Unlike the previous song, I don’t get the feeling of bile rising up within me with `Inside This Place’ even though it is much more `desperate’ emotionally than `My Love.’ I remember that I wrote this song based on the drum beat from the ending of `My Love,’ except I sped it up. So, it stays true to the rules of the other 2 song cycles; borrowing from the previous song.

And just like the 2 other cycles, the third song is always palatable, yet yields some major discomfort for the author.

Aside from some rather daft shoe-horning of multi-syllabic words, I like this track.

The Pen Is Mightier Than….

The scribbling you hear in the background is me writing out lyrics of the song as I sing them.

“I thought about love, I thought about home” etc. I am writing the words in unison.

I wish I still had those pieces of paper because the scribbling is astonishingly messy. I could barely keep up with the words and keep in time with the phrasing. But it was worth the effort. It adds colour and character to a concept that’s getting bleaker by the minute.

I appropriated a drum sample from the Tapping the Vein song `Numb’ for this track. As you can tell, my sound library in 1999 was limited to whatever I could afford and local artists. But it worked.

Memories:

Drinking cold Cabernet in a bar with a cherry oak counter. Writing out the second draft of the lyrics.

Orchid Outtake: Inside This Place (Original Version)

I think this version isn’t too different from the final version I did. I think I re-recorded `Inside This Place’ to make it more hateful. That’s about it.

Not available since 1999

This song is an epic. An epic embarrassment. My scalp literally started itching when I put this on for the first time in years. A vile beacon of self-pity captured in 12 glorious minutes. The temptation to not post this song was very high. I think only 3 people would have noticed its omission and their silence could have been bought with a chocolate bar.

While the intention was to create a grand plodding opus devoted to rejected feelings, it’s a near-forgotten sentence that documents what a waffling tart I can be. Oh, how the wonderful memories flood in like a bout of food poisoning.

You know something is about to go horribly awry when you hear the sample and the drums start out of sync. This is the most visible example of me trying to synchronize sampling with music without a sampler on a 4-track cassette machine.

The lyrics are trite teenage angst. I sound like a fat kid with a black leather coat. On a maturity level, I probably was still just that.

For a song of this size and scope, we will need to go section by section.

Part 1: 0:00 – 5:17

Aside from the sampling debacle in the beginning, I can’t be too rough on this section. It’s ok within the `Orchid’ context. The meandering scat vocals are a travesty, but livable. The whole section builds well. It was a pretty good idea to take `Endure’ and rebuild it into another song. It makes the whole compositional aspect fluid. But you know this song did not bode well when it borrows ANYTHING from `Endure’ and slows it down to a burdensome crawl. If you have been reading daily, you know how I feel about `Endure.’

What is that gibberish I’m mumbling at the end though? Something in French about my heart? Oh for fuck sakes man.

Part 2a: 5:18 – 6:45

This part starts off really well. Stupidly well, in fact. It makes the drop to failure that much more glorious. A lot of work went into this second part. And it starts off really really well. I remember somehow creating a random reverse reverb gate involving the piano and glockenspiel.

I will give myself one credit: Taiko drums and Industrial rock was my invention. And it could have been all sorts of kick ass if not for, well, me. Section 2 is what gives me the most discomfort. This section is all over the place; going from moment to moment with no real reason. Not to mention it sucking sequentially.

Part 2b: 6:45 – 7:21 – Remember the Nothing

It’s this that causes a physical wretch from my being. It’s this that negates the previous 6 and half minutes.

“Remember the nothing, remember the nothing.” If only. If. Fucking. Only. Why was I so scared to get aggressive with the microphone? Was I afraid to wake up my parents? Was my distortion pedal broken? This is a prime example of not going `full in.’ If I was screaming and yelling my adorable little head off, I think these lyrics and the horrid mixing would have been excusable. But no, I didn’t give my all. And the end result is a painful reminder of being a lazy self important hack.

If I ever have to remind myself of the consequences of not putting my entire essence into art, I can look back at this section.

Part 2c: 7:22 – 8:17

I tried to be clever. I tried to incorporate all of the song titles thus far into one powerful and insightful sentence. I wonder if I whispered a victorious YESSS to myself when I did this. I hope I high-fived the air and fell on my stomach.

Part 2b: 8:17 – 9:22

So, it appears to offset the rage I could not summon from my person, I opted to go the smoky gothic voice route, a la Peter Steele. Apparently my bass and corresponding baritone took the day off, left a note on my desk saying `go fuck yourself, Christopher’ and went to the beach. 

Could I make the ending of this section (where I whimper out the word `Love’) anymore anemic? This is where I aspired to do vocal soar akin to Jeff Buckley and Robert Plant. Well, I got the sustain part down. Just not the `good, soaring, emotionally riveting’ aspect. I even remember whispering to myself a victorious `YES’ when I thought I nailed the take. I didn’t nail it. I threw a hot dog bun at a nail and hoped it would stay.

Part 3: 9:23 – 12:26

“Where did your flower grow? Where did my flower go?”

For all the shit I have piled on this song, it does end rather well with the right amount of dramatics. I especially like the use of a pencil as a rhythmic device which closes out the song. You’ll hear a digital jitter that I couldn’t get rid of. This must have happened on a digital transfer from the 4-track a decade ago.

Why So Sad, Goth Boy?

`Orchid’ was to be my catharsis. A freedom from the angst and pain I was imposing on myself. A freedom from sub par ideas I was too unhealthy to realize. But I couldn’t emote. `My Love’ is a classic example of not emoting. I beat this album up for one reason: If I gave my all instead of blowing it out in a state of temporary confident euphoria, it could have been, in the long run, a great catharsis. I wouldn’t have to wait for a track like `Not There Anymore’ or `Another Blue Ribbon’ to come along.

Do I regret it? No. I at least learned this lesson in the beginning and not 4 albums in. It would have been a pretty precarious situation if I phoned in `Lucifer Rising.’

Tapping the Vein and the Sample

I must apologize to Eric of Tapping the Vein. If he knew that THIS is what I did to their sample (from the song ‘Inside’ off their `Butterfly’ demo) he wouldn’t have given me written permission to use it. To clarify, the sample is used in the first part of the song; from the beginning up to 5:17.

The procurement of this sample is yet another example of the lengths I will go to achieve something menial.

They were playing a Goth club that was in Newark, NJ. In my tactful fashion, I cornered Tapping the Vein’s drummer Eric after their performance. The poor gentleman was wiping the sweat off his brow and then I come sauntering to him with a licensing contract in my hand. The conversation was brief and to the point. I asked if I could have his band’s permission to use a sample for `My Love.’ He couldn’t have been more gracious about it.

I’m sure I have the paper somewhere still with his signature.

Tapping the Vein are a great rock/goth band that I believe come out of Philadelphia. I used to see them perform quite a bit around New York and New Jersey. They were the only `local’ band I would go see ritually because they were that darned good. The Goths and rockers some how coexisted when they performed. It was like a Cult show circa 1987.

However, they did have a curse at every show, without fail. There would always be one song where their sampler would go haywire and would just die mid way through. They usually persevered despite the glitch, and the show wasn’t really affected by it. Heather Thompson is a one in a million singer. Always pitch perfect and powerful. She had a lot of soul. Not in the P-Funk sense. Listen to the demo version of the song `Beautiful’ and you’ll know what I mean.

Over the years I tried to help the band in my own retarded way. Back in the Come Closer days I was booking an Eastern Canadian tour and wanted them to come along. But Come Closer broke up so that never happened.

When I worked at a record label, I did try to get them attention with Nettwerk. I took the demos I had available and forwarded them to Nettwerk’s A&R rep. I saw them as a perfect fit on that label; considering what they were putting out at that time. I’m disappointed that Nettwerk didn’t pick up on this band’s sensibilities of good songwriting and powerful singing.

In the end, the band got signed to a subsidiary of Century Media. Which I found to be an odd pairing since Century Media is home to metal bands like Arch Enemy, Dark Tranquillity, and my Finnish darlings Poisonblack.

Admittedly, I wasn’t thrilled with their debut album. The original demos had more punch. The full length seemed to be lacking the `heart’ that I was so accustomed to hearing; even though it’s the same gentleman who produced the demos.

But how many times have you heard that from fans? Pompous pricks who reject the success of a group they supported on their way up. There are people who think Opeth sold out after `Orchid.’

I could be wrong and TTV’s debut maybe miles ahead of the demos. But I still prefer listening to those 2 five-song discs. There is something about hearing someone overdrive a microphone with pained melodic wails that gets me every time.

www.tappingthevein.com – Go looksee.

Outtake: My Love – Partially Re-Recorded

I made an effort to re-record `My Love’ and whip it into acceptable shape. Apparently that was an excursion into a shitsunami. I don’t remember doing any of this. It seems even I, at the time, couldn’t bring myself to sing the `Remember the nothing’ section. I must have known back then what rubbish it was. Judging from the amount of work that was put into this (lack thereof) `Orchid’ was losing steam and just about to be forgotten.

Not available since 1999

It’s an `angry young man’ classical composition. A bombastic statement saying `THIS IS THE STORY!’ and hits you over the head with it over and over and over again.

`Entranced 3.0′ doesn’t bear much resemblance to the other 2. It’s not really as pleasant or elegant. This one almost borders on a dirge prior to going into the `Entranced’ instrumentation. (Glockenspiel and piano.) I remember the feelings of confusion and fleeing played a large role in this piece.

The `moaning’ soundscape was a very heavy handed allusion. Very little is left to the imagination. I guess that’s some sort of achievement since there are no words. Just a chattering violin meandering through the song.

Sadly, this is probably my best and most intricate violin performance that I have publicly released. I can hear shoddy edits where I had to piece together the solo. And some lovely sharp notes.

I worked bloody hard on that Korg 01/W Midi Workstation so the `orchestral’ strings didn’t sound so fake. But you can only liven up a corpse so much.

Hearing this song causes a certain amount of discomfort. I think it’s because I tried so hard. At everything. And results were always minimal.

Before I forget, this is the second attempt at Entranced 3.0. The original doesn’t have the moaning soundscape.(You can hear the original at the end of this post.) But I intended from day 1 to have it.

To create this soundscape, it involved a visit to my creep-friendly porno shop…

The Porn Shoppe

This was my first adventure to an Adult Porn shop alone and not as a gag. I went with a purpose. I had a clear idea of what I needed from the smut factory. Anal Blast 5? No. Inside Christy Canyon? Nyet my dear. My needs were purely transgressive.

Me: Hi!

Porn Shoppe Proprietor: Hey

Me: I need a porno with no music

(uncomfortable silence)

Porn Shoppe Proprietor: No Music? Uh ok. Nothing immediately comes to mind.

Me: Well, none of those frou frou Vivid videos. I’m thinking maybe something amateur. REALLY amateur. Acne and all. Could you point me in the right direction?

PSP: Sure (gestures) over there.

Me: Thanks.

Think about how long 20 minutes is. I spent that amount of time poring over title after title, trying to get any indication from the print on the back that there was any music. Pretty much all of the porno’s gave no indication. After going through 50 or so titles ranging from Black Booty Butt Bang to Fisting Sisters, I stumbled upon a nondescript `Naughty Amateur’ type series that seemed baseless and shoddy enough to not have a soundtrack.

Me: (Cheery) Found what I was looking for!

PSP: Great. No returns

Me: Ok.

Clinical Research

I started listening intently with headphones on. And like a studious researcher, I paused and started that tape collecting milliseconds of potential moans and screams. With so much repetition I started hearing rhythmic patterns and melodic passages. All in all I think I collected 35 sound clips.

The beauty of those moans is that they are horribly fake and lifeless. They were aesthetically perfect for Entranced 3.0. The sonic rationale is that the moans are very consistent and steady.

I am not sure that I `achieved’ whatever it was I was going for. But I do give myself an `E’ for the effort put in to make this piece of music.

Entranced 3.0 – Original Version

There is a rather clumsy introduction that I cut out in the 2nd version of this song. But overall, it’s the same song just without the moaning soundscape.

So, we have Doubt, Denial, and now, Desperation.

I didn’t really realize until now that Doubt and Denial are actually 2 different stories. Both have a similar `upbeat’ start and resolve to loneliness. This seems like a movie with 2 subplots that eventually lead to one place: That place is Desperation.

When we start the journey through the next song cycle, be forewarned. This one is the most uncomfortable of them all. I don’t even need to hear the tracks to know what lies ahead. Heavy emotional and music ambitions were laid out. And they all were crushed by their own weight. Filled with such hatred, self loathing, self pity, grandiosity and awkward jaunted ideas.

But at the same time, there is a small adventure or 2 that alleviate the brooding nature of these songs. If anything, they do illuminate the fact that I do go to great lengths to get even the most marginal of ideas realized.

Orchid Outtake: Subspaced

Subspaced :53

In my 3^rd attempt to re-record `Orchid,’ I had this grand idea of adding fluff tracks to pad out the album. The one track that I actually did was called `Subspaced.’ It rested in between `There’ and the next track `Entranced 3.0.’ It is functionally useless. It does nothing to move the `Orchid’ story along. But if you like the sound of vintage synthesizers doing trite Philip Glass meanderings, then this track is for you.

Otherwise, this track does not belong on `Orchid.’